It is imperative to advertise.

You can’t just give everything away for free.

You can’t give things to pretty girls for less money because they are pretty.

You can’t force your friend to date a gay man just because you think he’s attractive.

It’s important to bring sunglasses.

It’s more fun with mixed drinks.

The last time I had a garage sale it was the 4th of July. I started at 10 in the morning and my friends brought over drinks by 11. The sale ended shortly after that. We just ended up using all of the merchandise, we wore all the clothes, the records seemed alright to keep too. It wasn’t a very good sale. I made about $3 and I had been trying to make extra cash to go to L.A.

It just continued to decay until I was engaged to two men, skipped work, got kicked out of my friend’s Independence Day party and almost kissed a drifter.

I slept in all my clothing, upright on my couch that night.

That’s why you have to advertise.